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Joke of the Day

"A woman asked me if I had a cigarette. ""Yes..."" I said, ""But what about your baby?"" She said, ""Oh no. He doesn't smoke."""

"What's the rudest type of Elf? The GofuckyoursELF "

"Missing socks When you lose a sock in the wash or laundry hamper, the one that's left becomes more human than you know. It's looking for its sole mate."

"If your mother in law and your father in law were both engulfed in flames, and you only had one fire extinguisher, where would you hide it?"

"God: So I was, all, what if there was a fish made of jelly? Like, jelly but alive and in the sea? LOL [angels look nervously at one another]"

"Why did Jesus have to walk everywhere? He drove a Ford."

"Why do they want to change the faces on dollars but not on coins? Because the only constant is change."

"I finally found a simple and easy way to deal with my weight problem. I threw my scale out."

"I like to think that the lead singer of Limp Bizkit sorts out his own affairs before seeing to other peoples... Durst's things First"

"What does a man say after sex? Nothing, he's happy and content with life."