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Joke of the Day

"Why do chemists go to the gym so much? Before they titrate, they need to get buffer!"

"[nabisco hq] ""Wheat Thins sales are down we need ideas"" *raises hand* ""anyone else?"" ... ... ""ok Dan, but I swear to god if u say-"" Wheat Thicks"

"Whats hard, black, and keeps me up all night? My Roku."

"I'm all set for Friday night: got my mac 'n cheese dinner, 40 oz., 'Steel Magnolias' DVD, Twitter friends and tears."

"[elementary school] BULLY: gimme your lunch money ME: no B: *grabs me by shirt* I said give it M: ok but this has to stop I'm your teacher"

"Wife: ""I'm going to bed, honey."" Husband: ""Okay, sweetheart. I'll go get you a tylenol."" Wife: ""But why? I don't have a headache."" Husband: ""Great! Let's fuck."""

"What's the difference between anal sex and oral sex? One makes your whole day, the other makes your hole weak."

"Baby, give me that couch.. .. cause I need some sectional healing!"

"Where does monty python buy his water? From the knights Da-sa(y)-NI! This joke is best delivered verbally."

"How many spoiled rich girls does it take... ...to change a light bulb? Just one, she yells, ""DAAAAADDY, I need a new house!"""