206776

Joke of the Day

"Where does monty python buy his water? From the knights Da-sa(y)-NI! This joke is best delivered verbally."

"Why do single men live longer than married men? Because they want to."

"You hear about the newswoman with one boob? She kept abreast of the current issues. (go easy...just made this up)"

"Hit a cop car last night. The driver let me off with a warning..... ""Anything you say can and will be used against you."""

"Told a homeless guy sorry I was saving to buy a house. He got mad and threw his cup of change at me, so now I'm... $3.75 closer to my dream!"

"Why was the Muslim rubbing the goat? Not because he was in to bestiality, you Islamophobe. He was at the petting zoo for his wife's 9th birthday"

"What's the difference between sarcasm and a serious statement? What're you asking me for? I have Asperger's."

"If Kim Kardashian & Snooki were drowning & I could only save one, I'd have a hard time deciding whether to make a sandwich or take a nap."

"How do you cook toilet paper? You brown it on one side, then throw it in the pot!"

"Sometimes I make statements in the tone of a question?"