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Joke of the Day

"Bruce Willis is at the supermarket, standing by the cucumbers & laughing hysterically, pointing at them with tears streaming down his face"

"him: what are you looking for on this dating site? me: someone who will hold the cats down so I can take pics of them wearing sunglasses."

"What do you call a Mexican cutting a Mobius Strip?? Juan."

"I wanted to be a tailor. But I didn't suit the job."

"What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment!!!!"

"My dick is so big that if I laid it out on the keyboard... ...I would probably be escorted out of the Mac store."

"[greeting aliens] Hello, we are the smartest animals on this planet. Every week we give the grass a little haircut"

"What do you call a Finn, who gets something done? -Finnished"

"If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? Testicles (though I'm sure you smarties already got it)."

"Clever Commas If your Uncle Jack helped you get off an elephant, would you help your uncle, jack off an elephant."