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Joke of the Day

"What did the astrophysicist say to the quark? You matter."

"Why did the kleptomaniac dislike the insultingly boisterous man with a cleft palate? He couldn't take any more lip!"

"Feel free to not tell me how sore you are from working out."

"My girlfriend said she liked the jewelry my grandmother wore so I bought her a life alert necklace"

"Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked his problem out with a pencil. It was a number 2 pencil."

"Dear movies, We'll never be upset to the point of throwing expensive jewelry at the bottom of the ocean. Never. Sincerely, Women"

"I enjoy visiting countries where I don't speak the language because it requires zero effort to tune out everyone around me."

"How many leftists does it take to change a lightbulb? 8,000 to protest against the broken lightbulb but 0 to realize it won't change anything."

"What did the mime say to his girlfriend?"

"I didn't think a McDonald's Happy Meal would fill me up, but it did... OMG, I ATE THE TOY!"