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Joke of the Day

"What do you call an autistic stoner? A baked potato"

"Worst part of my old job was drug screenings. Had to tell a guy he was pregnant. Lesson: don't use your girlfriend's urine for testing."

"Asked my wife if I was going to get a ""tip"" for driving her around today. She laughed and laughed. Apparently so hard, she got a headache."

"He: How are you? Me: Thanks, but I'm too old for you He: I was going to ask about your wireless prov... Me: Just keep telling yourself that"

"When your friend offers you free food, all trust is gone out the window!!! The fuck did you do to it? Nothing, I swear! Okay I'll take a fucking bite."

"Wait, you're citing me for reckless driving? I can count three from here!"

"what do you call a gay sloth? Slow-mosexual"

"What did Courtney Love say to Kurt Kobain after finding out he cheated on her? *""I'll give you one more shot""*"

"A tourist walked into a fish and chip shop in Ireland. ""I'll have fish and chips twice"" he orders. ""Sure I heard you the first time"" came the reply."

"What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelight dinner? When the power goes off."