146738

Joke of the Day

"I wonder if John McCain plays with plastic Army men and pretends he's President at home."

"If a girl says vulgarities Is she called vulgirl?"

"[Being kidnapped] Me: i can feel it.. Stockholm syndrome kidnapper: its been 10 minutes me: should we invite your brother to the wedding?"

"Loaf me, loaf me, say that you knead me."

"What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and use more lube!"

"How do you make a Welshman fall asleep? Ask him how much sex he's had in his lifetime."

"I recently told my girlfriend about removing the cookies and site data because it slows down the browser speed... Now she understands why I delete the browsing history everyday."

"I don't know why I even bother having an iPhone anymore. It spends so much time on charge, you might as well call it a landline."

"[on date] Ok, don't let her know ur a vampire. Her: I think I'll have a steak. A STAKE?? [turns into bat and flies away]"

"My phone can hold 5000 songs or 1 voicemail from my mom"