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Joke of the Day

"[on date] Ok, don't let her know ur a vampire. Her: I think I'll have a steak. A STAKE?? [turns into bat and flies away]"

"What did the prostitute say to her customer after he finished paying? ""It was a business doing pleasure with you."""

"All my chainsaws broke last night... I guess you can call it a chainsaw massacre. I'll walk my self out now..."

"How did Hellen Keller's parents punish her? By leaving a plunger in the toilet"

"If life gives you lemons... Make lemonade If life gives you melons... You might be dyslexic."

"My girlfriend is really loud during sex. I don't know why, she knows nobody is coming to help her."

"I thought about getting two pets and naming them One and Two. So when One dies, I'll still have Two."

"""wat can i say.. im a people person"" said the man who was MADE OUT OF PEOPLE"

"How can you waste food when there are starving children in...ew onions."

"The moon landing was staged and it was shot by Stanley Kubrick, the reason it looks so real is because of Kubrick's obsession with filming on location."