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Joke of the Day

"[chiropractor] Dr., your client Tony is here -Tony? The guy whose skin is made of bubble wrap Yes -Oh hell yes clear the rest of my schedule"

"i dropped a chicken mcnugget and I've been on the floor of mcdonalds sobbing the lyrics to how to save a life by the fray for 2 hours"

"I wonder what the bees inside Wilma Flintstone's vibrator talked about: ""Another fight with Fred? Looks like we're working overtime again."""

"What the difference between What's the difference between a chick pea and lentil? I've never paid to have a lentil on me!"

"I came upon a woman in the park So she wiped it off and called the police."

"Astronomers have used liquid water as an indicator for planet habitability... ...they might also need to add whether the planet has a Trump elected as president"

"Two cows standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly: ""I was artificially inseminated this morning."" ""I don't believe you,"" replies Dolly. ""It's true, no bull!"""

"My wife agreed to a threesome with two girls. She was inexplicably livid when I told her she was neither."

"Hickory Dickory Dock... Three mice ran up the clock The clock struck one But the rest escaped with minor injuries. (Something my grandfather told me when I was five)"

"All these people getting emails from the Prince of Nigeria, I got one from an Egyptian Pharaoh... But it turned out to just be a pyramid scheme."