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Joke of the Day

"After I have sex, I like my women how I like my mailbox outside my house"

"Just moisturized my hands and now I can't get out of the bathroom. Send help."

"Why didn't the witch wear panties.... So she could grip the broom better."

"I walked a girl down into the dark woods. She said it's very scary. I said how do you think i feel i have to walk back alone.."

"At this point I'm a little offended the lady at #Chipotle still asks what I want. This is my 4th burrito today. Bitch, I know you know me."

"Why do prison guards use Proactive? To prevent further breakouts."

"How do you kill bread? Bake it for a little while, and it will be toast."

"Did you hear about the 4th place winner with the muscle condition? Even though he didn't rank in the top three he still got atrophy."

"Weird; People in my office have started naming the food in the company fridge. Today I ate a tuna sandwich named Kevin."

"Go ahead, call the cops, lady. I got ten witnesses that'll say your baby kicked me first."