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Joke of the Day

"My facial tattoo is going to look so cool when I'm working as a janitor for McDonalds."

"Q: ""How long were you at your last job?"" A: ""Seven-and-a-half inches... same as now"""

"I need your best pickup lines I'm going to be in a contest where one section is about giving your best pickup lines. Do you have any good ones?"

"We are all seven Huffington Post slideshows away from finishing a minor task"

"Ronda Rousey should change her name... To Sasha Grey, because her ass got wrecked."

"A prince asked a beautiful princess to marry him.. And she said no. The prince lived happily ever after."

"Sorry kids, Santa isn't real. If he was, he'd be an obese pedophile, felon, and elf slave owner. Seriously though, Merry Christmas."

"Worried that Adele's next album might be delayed if she discovers Pinterest."

"Dad joke Dad: [Grabs chest] Quick! call me an ambulance! Son: You're... an ambulance. Dad: I'm-I'm so proud of you, son. [Dies]"

"I love being complimented on my parking skills! Someone even left a note on my windshield saying ""parking fine""."