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Joke of the Day

"Well, I'm moving to Thailand. There's a small village there named Phucket that really speaks to me on a spiritual level."

"What is worse then sweat on Olivia Newton John? Come on Eileen"

"My little brother just told me I looked stoned as hell. Which is a little weird, considering I don't have a little brother..."

"Men: Don't lie to your woman, she'll catch you. Don't tell her the truth, she'll be pissed. Just pray for a brick to fall on your head."

"What is the closest thing similar to a woman having a period? Your salary. It also comes once a month, and lasts about 5 days. And if it doesn't come, it means you are in big trouble."

"baby proofing your house is easy, just lock your doors. There's no way they could get in unless there were like hundreds of them or somthing"

"I copied my Match.com bio from a used car website. White Good condition Reliable Cheap No evidence of rear end damage. Must See."

"How to Keep an Idiot in Suspense - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ... I'll tell you later."

"Girlfriends are expensive but so is my drug habit."

"Waiter: What dressing would you like on your salad? Me: Ice cream"