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Joke of the Day

"Guy brings a giraffe into a bar... The giraffe passes out on the floor and the bartender says ""hey, you cant leave that lyin there."" The guy says ""it's not a lion, it's a giraffe."""

"Hired a gardener today and gave him a list of things to do. When I got back home he'd only done tasks 1,3 & 5. Turns out he's an odd job man."

"I poured my root beer into a square cup Now I just have beer"

"Did you hear about the Patriots? I personally think it's all overblown."

"The Clippers are gonna be bought by the former CEO of Microsoft. Apparently he's looking for something to occupy himself while Windows is installing ""critical updates."""

"I'll pay full price for the next iPhone if the only change they make to it is erasing ""ducking"" from the autocorrect."

"Ever since I became blind I never looked back... Or forward, or right, or left."

"Q: What a BLONDE will ask the doctor in the maternity ward? A: ""Is it mine?"""

"What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair brunette? Artificial intelligence *edit: I kinda thought it was funny, and* poof *it has 3000 upvotes. Thanks for the motivation*"

"What do I think about my toes? They couldn't be further from my mind."