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Joke of the Day
"If life was fair, Ryan Gosling would have been born with Ray Romano's voice."
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"Jesus said to Moses: ""Come forth and I will grant you eternal life!"" Moses came fifth and he won a toaster."
"There are two sides to every story. My side and the right side."
"How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just two, but I dunno how they got in there."
"What do you call two homeless men hitting each other with cardboard? Pillow fight"
"What's a nymphomaniac cook's least favourite ingredient? Italian dressing"
"My left buttcheek fell asleep. I'm Half-assing everything I do for the next ten minutes."
"After progressively lifting heavier weights, I was finally able to squat 600 pounds. Unfortunately, all that money still weighs less than a kilo."
"He always tells the jokes out of order Why would Tarantino be a terrible comedian?"
"[at work] Carl, did you get naked when you used the bathroom? *standing there with his shirt & pants on backwards* ""No...why do you ask?"""