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Joke of the Day

"When you're feeling bored and unsatisfied with life, just remember... That there are some people who think Golf is interesting."

"A libertarian vote walks out of a bar ... ... and goes, ""God, I'm wasted."""

"What do women and dog turds have in common? The older they get the easier they are to pick up."

"I'm not afraid of spiders. I'm afraid of people who are afraid of spiders. Please stop screaming and put down the hammer."

"Punch Lines ""The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born."""

"Why did the two suicide bombers blow themselves up on the same room? So they could be splatmates."

"I bought a wash basin from a skydiver today. And tomorrow he's going to *plummet* in for me."

"Please don't ruin Breaking Bad for me... I'm only at the part where A texts Aria, Spencer, Hanna and Emily"

"Shout out to all the frozen desserts out there. Step to me with a dessert that ain't frozen and I'll snap your damn face off"

"The people at U.P.S are assholes. They sent me a message telling me I have a small Package... I mean, what are they doing opening my mail and looking at my pictures anyway?"