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Joke of the Day

"Roses are grey, Violets are grey, Daisies are grey, Because I'm a dog."

"How does a lawyer sleep? He rests his case..."

"Why do fish always sing off key? Because you can't tune a fish. Say it outloud if you don't get it. I made this one up in first grade IIRC."

"I once asked a friend what he would do if the world was going to end. He told me he would fuck anything that moves. He then asked me the same question. I told him I'd stand very very still."

"Best thing about being a professional bagpiper is.. We get the best blow jobs."

"Newtown's First Law (OC) Newtown's First Law: For every crisis, there is an opportunistic power-grab by the government to trade freedom for 'security'."

"The price of Trumps' wall became much cheaper after the election... ...50 million people shit a brick!"

"Michael Jordan tried escaping his nickname in Germany... but they still called him Herr Jordan."

"Adding a smiley face after anything makes things seem playful. Examples: You're a slut:) You're ugly:) I killed your puppy:)"

"How does a black man laugh? They snigger."