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Joke of the Day

"What happened to the heretical chef? He was burnt at the steak."

"I tried to smuggle LSD across the border using my ass The bag broke, then I had the shittiest trip"

"Someone just threw a bottle of Omega 3 tablets at me! I only received super fish oil injuries, but still..."

"Did you all hear Jerry Sandusky is getting a custom ipod touch? It will be known as the itouch kids!"

"I accidentally locked my keys in the car across the street from an abortion clinic... .... I yelled, ""Hey! Anybody got a hanger?"" The protesters chased me for three blocks."

"I got a job at the zoo circumcising elephants the pay isn't great but the tips are enormous."

"Policeman: Why are you driving without a license? Motorist: Because it was revoked months ago."

"""I want to take you home, pull off your jacket, run my hand down your spine and curl up with you on the couch."" -- bibliophiles, to books"

"Why wasn't Euro Disney popular? Every time they set off the fireworks, the French surrendered."

"Ex picked up the kids, brought me coffee & took out my trash. This divorce thing is really working out for me."