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Joke of the Day

"I just feel like you shouldn't be using a selfie stick unless you're a T-Rex."

"What did the doctor say to the short guy in a hurry? You're going to have to be a little patient."

"Young boy: Mommy, Mommy I can't stop spinning in circles! Mommy: Shut up, or I will nail your other foot to the floor too!"

"I just sprayed a mosquito... with mosquito repellent. Now he'll never have any friends."

"I saw a sheep give birth today All I could say was ""ewe"" (I know this joke is probably overused but I'm currently on a Bill Nye the Science Guy nostalgia trip right now so fuck the haters.)"

"Interesting fact: Prior to the creation of hummus and ranch dressing nobody ate uncooked vegetables."

"Two satellites got married the wedding was okay, but the reception was incredible!"

"Over the weekend, the new ""Godzilla"" movie came out. I don't know how Godzilla doesn't hurt himself. I once had to go to the emergency room after stepping on a Lego piece."

"Some naughty science shit. 63 earths can fit inside ur-anus."

"[NSFU] Bill Gates' penis... What does his wife call it? Microsoft."