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Joke of the Day

"I've been hitting the gym 2 weeks straight and haven't seen improvement. Is it because I chose Team Mystic?"

Next Joke
 
"[using Ouija Board] ""Will i ever find true love--"" ""NEW GHOST WHO DIS"""
"I just broke up with my girlfriend. It's okay though she said we could still be cousins!"
"If your car is too heavy You can always use lighter fuel."
"Reddit CEO Ellen Pao is such a .. [Deleted]"
"My family crest is just a picture of my grandfather dressed up as a giant hotdog being dragged into a cave by a bear."
"My friend said trepanning is a bad idea... ...but it's okay, he's just close-minded."
"Why are there no cats on mars? Curiosity"
"What's the difference between Bill Cosby and a Snickers Bar? One wants you to put their chocolatey nutty goodness in your mouth, and the other is a child rapist."
"OMG MOM SHUT UP IM TRYING TO SUMMON THE DARK LORD TO PLAY SCRABBLE YES I WANT A HAM OMELETTE"