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Joke of the Day

"Everyone criticizes the Salem Witch Trials, but we haven't had a witch attack in over 200 years."

"Son, you can't give me any shit about having to teach me phone or computer skills... ...after all, I taught you how to use a spoon. Props to my old man for that one."

"What kind of bees give milk? boobies"

"What's the difference between Wendy's and Windows? Wendy's is never frozen."

"A ""G"" in the right font is not only a nice looping arrow, it's also a map to the mythical G-spot!"

"I hate when I miss the garbage truck and just have to throw trash in the neighbors hot tub again"

"Why did Monica Lewinsky vote Republican? Because Democrat left a bad taste in her mouth!"

"I was too late for the ribeye special at the supermarket. Such a big missed steak."

"HOW TO BECOME A CRAZY CAT LADY: 1) Get a cat. 2) Repeat."

"The girl next door looks over at me, then her phone, then makes a disgusted look on her face. I think she's just found my twitter account"