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Joke of the Day

"My ex wife claims I have ""commitment issues"" like I didn't just wait in line for 30 minutes to get a hot dog at Costco."

"What does Batman put in his drinks? Just ice."

"A Storm Trooper and a Red Shirt get into a fight. Storm Trooper misses every shot. Red Shirt dies anyways."

"I just ate my weight in kidney beans! (I weigh eight ounces.)"

"Its funny how guys always say they would give their left nut to do something awesome. Why is the right nut so much cooler than the left nut?"

"""Bedroom"" is an anagram of ""Boredom"" I found that out while I was having sex with my wife"

"How to be a good person: 1. Listen to everything they say on Fox News. 2. Do the exact opposite."

"What do you get when you cross-breed a shark and a cow? I have no idea but I wouldn't try milking it."

"[first date] Me: that is hilarious Date: ... Me: wait, bread or dead? Date: how would my parents be bread?"

"I just got out of school and landed my first full-time job! I could have sworn I made more money in college... working for my parents... as their son."