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Joke of the Day

"The number of STDs I can spell without autocorrect really bothers me."

"Why don't atheists use exponents? Because they don't believe in higher powers."

"A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. ""Ha! That's not going to help,"" she said. ""Sure, it does,"" he said. ""It's the only way I can see the numbers."""

"And then I realized, it's not that I love documentaries. I just love establishing shots of courthouses."

"How to comfort a homosexuals family if hes in a coma? You can always say ""well, look at it this way; he was a fruit, now hes a vegetable!"""

"Why was lil' Wayne tired after programming? He did too much coding."

"just ran into my high school biology teacher. she said ""i figured you'd have cured cancer by now."" then i washed bird shit off her tahoe"

"We should re-fi, so we can get some hi-fi and watch sci-fi on the wi-fi."

"[job int] ""& what are your areas of weakness?"" [leans in so close my nose touches the interviewers] ""I don't like people touching my nose."""

"What did the Jewish paedophile say to the kid. Hey kid, you wanna buy some candy?"