145293

Joke of the Day

"What did the Hand say to the Penis when they first met.... Nice to beat you!"

"Do the followers in England read my tweets in an English accent? Because I write them in a Jamaican accent..so that must be weird..mon"

"What's a feminist favorite ship? A CENSORSHIP"

"What do you call it when the stars align for a mustard thief? A Gulden's opportunity."

"Pluto wanted to throw Earth a birthday party on New Year's Eve But he forgot to planet"

"I once asked a girl out on a date to perform in my favorite hobby. She demanded there be no strings attached We had a shit day flying kites"

"I never thought I'd buy into Feng Shui But oh how the tables have turned."

"i took my dog to the vet he never got dry again"

"[liquor store] Him: Did you see a cat in here? I know I just heard purring. Me: *looking at huge boxed wine selection* Him: Oh, it's you."

"Dear math, stop telling me to find your X Their not coming back, grow up and solve your own problems"