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Joke of the Day

"Why do American's take letters out of words? Because they're lazy, and they hate U."

"My penis is referred to by the female market as... The sperm whale"

"Me: You're supposed to be taking a nap 4-year-old: I am Me: Then why are you standing here? 4-year-old: Me: 4-year-old: This is a dream"

"Ad a German i often hear some say we have a bad humor .... last time someone actually told me, he got burned with the other jews telling me. Edit: Damn it phone it is as and not ad ._."

"If your building doesn't have an elevator and you don't live on the first floor, we can't date. I'm looking for a relationship, not a gym."

"I'm at my classiest when my neighbor catches me begging my dog to shit faster because it's cold."

"I'm exhausted. I just did 100 sit ups. The fact that I did them over the course of 40 years doesn't diminish the accomplishment."

"oh the aliens aren't speaking to us right now because idk they're pissed that we flaked out on that pyramid project they started or whatever"

"If you watch the Game of Thrones backwards a family overcomes near death experiences to reunite happily in a castle (plus dragons shrink)."

"What is the difference between an amateur archer and a constipated owl? One shoots but can't hit... The other hoots but can't shit."