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Joke of the Day

"My thai girlfriend told me a small penis doesn't matter... ...I still wish she didn't have one though"

"Been to the hospital to get a mole checked. Apparently they all look like that & I should've just left it in its hole in the garden."

"Honestly, everyone can get fucked... So what if I don't know what 'apocalypse' means? It's not the end of the world!"

"I want to die like my grandfather . ..peaceful . . . ready to go. Not kicking and screaming like the passengers in his car"

"I called out my wife's name during sex and she walked in to see what I needed. Won't do that again."

"Q: Why did God create man before woman? A: He didn't want any advice."

"Two atoms were crossing the road... ...when the first atom screams ""Ahhhhh! I lost an electron"". The second atom asks ""Are you sure?"" to which the first atom replied ""Yes, I'm positive."""

"[Installing ceiling fan] Me: drill...screwdriver... tape...there finished! Wife on the phone: Is this Bob's fix-it shop? Yeah, he just got done."

"Did you ""ask"" me or ""axe"" me? Because seriously...... one is murder."

"Who is the musician's best friend? The drummer!"