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Joke of the Day
"People who say that they're 'just naturally thin' are also just naturally awful."
Next Joke
"What do you call a Transformer who always sees the glass as half full? Optimist Prime"
"A hurricane is like a woman. When they come, they are wet, crazy, and wild. But when they leave, they take your house and your car."
"This year I'm the Invisible Man for Halloween, according to this bartender that apparently hasn't seen me standing here for an hour"
"WIFE: Don't tell the kids but I threw away those awful pictures they made & stuck on the fridge ME: [sprinting towards the bin] MY ART"
"How many dentists does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to administer the anaesthetic one to extract the light bulb and one to offer the socket some vile pink mouthwash."
"What do you get if you take off the red dot on the Japanese flag? The Miami Heat flag."
"My wife left me *sobs uncontrollably*"
"It's a difficult day for me today. Today is the day I tell my dog that I am not his biological mother and that his real mother was a bitch."
"There was a massive fight in the chip shop yesterday! A fish got battered."