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Joke of the Day

"What do Coors Light and having sex in a canoe have in common? They're both too fucking close to water."

"I was in an AWESOME undercover band once No one was sure if we were The Police."

"Cop: Ma'am, Are you intoxicated? Me: Are YOU intoxicated! Cop: No Me: Prove it! Cop: *puts handcuffs on me* Me: I like where this is going."

"There were two peanuts walking down the street... ...and one was assaulted peanut."

"What's the difference between a hammer and a mallet? I don't remember the rest of the joke, but your mother's a whore."

"Why do accountants get excited on Saturdays? They can wear casual clothes to work"

"Pretty certain I'm gonna drop down on one knee and propose to the first woman I ever win an argument with..."

"I was watching the film, 'A Perfect Murder,' with my wife She told me she was getting scared. ""Is it the storyline?"" I asked. ""Not really,"" she replied. ""Stop taking notes."""

"Son: Dad can sand melt? Me putting down my glass: Don't be ridiculous of course it can't"

"My mailman got a sex change. I guess you'd call him a post man now."