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Joke of the Day

"Am I too fat? Wife: I too fat to be a personal trainer? Me: No honey you just need to lose weight."

"What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea? Trump wouldn't pay $1000 to have a lentil on his face."

"Why didn't the neuron cross the road ? It was Nervous"

"Why did the hipster fail making ice cubes for his bourbon? Because he pulled out the tray before it was cool"

"Why do Chinese knights have a low rate of survival? They all have chinks in their armor."

"My pistol only holds 9 bullets, so when I lose my shit I only get to kill 9 people or one cat."

"Do you want to hear a Knock Knock joke? Okay, you start it."

"Hippos... It's not as easy as you think... Why do hippopotamus' have sex in the water? Have you ever tried keeping a 30lb pussy wet?"

"Saw this guy having engine troubles with his smart car. So I got out my son's legos and built him a new one. I'm such a giver"

"CBostonC CMarathonC Don't look at me like I'm the first person to add C4 to the Boston Marathon."