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Joke of the Day

"My pistol only holds 9 bullets, so when I lose my shit I only get to kill 9 people or one cat."

"A lion, a witch, and a wardrobe walk into a bar The bartender asks what they're having. The witch replies ""Narnia business."""

"I've just been rushed to A&E after swallowing some lego.... The doctor's don't seem worried but i'm shitting bricks"

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl pee? Because the P is silent!"

"All right, Mr. Bank Guy. My business plan is forcing my pregnant dog to drink beer so its puppies are deformed and I can make money off them"

"My dad said, always leave them wanting more. Ironically, that's how he lost his job in disaster relief."

"What's a telemarketer's favourite element? Scamdium."

"Two Na atoms are together on the battlefield... One of them gets shot. ""I've been hit!"" he yells. The other one looks at him. ""Are you sure?"" He replies, ""I'm positive!"""

"My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it's gone."

"What does this joke's punchline & a 50 foot penis have in common? You can see them coming from miles away."