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Joke of the Day

"What did the owner of the Indian restaurant say when he burned all of his bread? ""Don't worry, it's a naan issue."""

"Remember when Twitter used to be a service where I could post something like, ""Hello, my name is Doctor Toilet"" and get a bunch of retweets?"

"What did one dick say to the other dick? Nothing, they were both stuck up cunts."

"How do you top a car? You tep on the brake, tupid!"

"Someone asked me recently what would I rather give up, food or sex. Neither! I'm not falling for that one again, wife."

"*spin kicks cigarette out of your mouth* Nothing is cooler than health"

"We had a ninja competition tonight but we don't know if anyone showed up."

"Pro tip: Don't moan when getting a pat down at airport security"

"Japan's economy crashed in the 90s because their housing bubble was so bad, the Imperial Palace was worth all the land in California. I *wish* houses out here could still be that cheap!"

"Who was the heaviest of the Pharaohs? King Two-ton-khamen."