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Joke of the Day

"Accidentally pooped my pants in the elevator.. I'm taking this shit to a whole new level."

"Stormtroopers never miss. They're just trained to fire a 21 shot salute to celebrate the commencement of every firefight."

"I'm not a fan of NASCAR but I hear it's popular in some circles."

"TEENS: You might find yourself ""embarrassed"" by certain things your body is doing, when in fact, you should be ashamed."

"MY WIFE: [donating blood] ME: That's from both of us"

"Schrodingers cat walks into a bar with no windows alone eventually he walks out drunk and sober."

"I pulled on a door that says push. Cause I don't let a fuckin door tell me what to do."

"Bill: I hope Hillary will have better interns in the Oval Office than I did. All of mine sucked."

"[Parent-Teacher Conference] Teacher: ..if another kid is mean to her, she calmly walks away Me: *flips table* WHICH KID IS MEAN TO HER?!?!"

"Know any good jokes about running? I need a muse for an art project I'm doing. Also who doesn't love terrible jokes/puns. Looking for things like refrigerator/nose running, but other objects."