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Joke of the Day

"2007: OBAMA'S COMIN' FER YER GUNS 2008: comin' 2009: almost 2010: any day 2011: seriously 2012: ok now 2013: i think.. 2014: nope 2015: well"

"Do you want to know why I dropped out of Communism class? I had bad marx."

"A husband says to his wife... ""What would you do if I won the lottery?"". She replied ""I'd take half, then leave you."" ""Excellent!"", he retorted, ""I won 12, here's 6, now fuck off""."

"A Faster Than Light Neutrino Knock, knock. Who's there?"

"""Hey, I finally watched that movie you've been wanting me to see..."" ""Oh, so you finally saw Back to the Future?"" ""Sure did!"" ""It's about time!"""

"I'm not fat! My DNA's just bold font."

"Guy comes home from work and catches his mate shagging his wife so he stabs him to death. His missus says, ""fucking carry on like that, you wont have any mates left""."

"You know, if I had a dollar for every time someone under 30 stole a joke from my generation... Then I would be able to afford to fund the pension that the government stole from me."

"I can't call people Grammar Nazis on social media anymore.... Now I call them the Alt-Write."

"I was walking down the road today and saw my Afghani neighbor, Abdul, standing on his fifth floor apartment balcony shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him, ""What's up Abdul, won't it start?"""