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Joke of the Day

"Saw this stunning girl at a bar last night. I got her a drink, walked over to her and then felt my knees go weak and my stomach turn to butterflies. Turns out that I spiked the wrong drink by mistake."

"You can use lemon juice to get the goat's blood out of the drapes. #householdhints"

"My stepmom fell into a wishing well I was amazed- I never thought they worked"

"I had a really bad day yesterday the only thing that was positive was my HIV-test."

"What is Link's favorite hotel? Hyaaaaatt!"

"Why doesn't Mexico live up to it's full potential in the Olympics? Because all the Mexicans that can run, jump, and swim are in America."

"I saw a man at a circus put his head in a lion's mouth ...and that's still the only big cat blowjob I've ever witnessed."

"Really, 6 more inches of snow today. My front yard is getting more action than me."

"Does the circle of life... become a sphere in 3D?"

"A toast! Had to throw away my toaster because it kept burning my toast. I guess you could say I'm black toast intolerant."