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Joke of the Day

"I never make ""air quotes"" with my fingers when I'm talking, but I do lean to the side & whisper so you sense I'm italicizing."

"Why can't you make bread like my mother? I would if you could make dough like your father!"

"Q: What did the Dorito say to the other Dorito. A: I can't tell you it was to cheesy."

"How does Sean Connery shave? Ctrl+Esh"

"Whats black, white, red and rolls around in a KFC parking lot? Litter that the wind blew out of the trash you racist piece of shit!"

"How do barmen surf the web? On the Gin-ternet."

"If you're walking down the street and see a teenager, don't panic; just yell ""One Direction selfie twerk"" and slip away in the confusion."

"I went to the gym and asked the guy there to teach me how to do the splits..... He said 'how flexible are you?' I said 'I can't do Thursdays.' Credit: Tommy Cooper"

"What do you call the Knight who started the Round Table? Sir Cumference!"

"""Impeccable"" sounds like a general immunity to crow attacks..."