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Joke of the Day

"The arrogant baker declared 'You'll never hear a complaint about my doughnuts outside this shop window' The customer agreed 'It must be the double glazing'"

"Uncle Frank's will stipulates he be cremated & his ashes added to the vegetable water sprayers at the local grocery store. He will be mist."

"What did the scarecrow say before committing suicide? ""That's the last straw!"" *^I'm ^sorry.* [UsagiMimi](http://www.reddit.com/user/UsagiMimi/) helped me refine the wording."

"I have very poor ninja skills when it comes to staring at cleavage."

"Me: What do you want for breakfast? Kids: EGGS! BACON! WAFFLES! CHOCOLATE CHIP PANCAKES! Me: Let me rephrase. Who wants toast?"

"Haiku of the week ""James, you have Tourette's."" ""I'm afraid there is no cure."" ""Fuck! Shit! Cunt!"" said James."

"LIFE HACK: hide a hot dog in your popcorn to give your date something to play with while you enjoy the movie"

"It hurts my feelings when people call me a failure. I'd rather people think of me as successfully challenged."

"Where do you take a Chihuahua that has fallen into a lake? To a weterinarian!"

"How Did Harry Potter Get Down The Hill? Walking. Jk Rowling."