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Joke of the Day

"What blood type does a man with bad spelling have? Typo"

"A call When making food, mum asked me to **call** out to her once I finish draining something. So, being a smart ass, I called her phone."

"Relationships are a lot like algebra. You look at X and try to figure out Y."

"Why did MacDonald's ban Tumblr? Because they don't serve Trans-Fats."

"Nurse: Taking you back into surgery. Something was sewn inside you. Me: What? Can I talk to the surgeon? [from my stomach] I'm right here"

"Two peanuts are walking down Central Park... one of them was assaulted."

"A little girl walks into her parents' bedroom. ""Holy F**k"" she screams ""and you want ME to see a doctor about sucking my thumb?!"""

"How do you get rid of somebody? Give them a ticket for a flight on Malaysian Airlines and hope that they will live up to their reputation!"

"I just established the five hour rule for tequila spilled on the floor."

"Man has sex with a can of beans. He was porkin' beans."