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Joke of the Day
"And the award for the best neckwear goes to... Well, would you look at that, it's a tie!"
Next Joke
"Santa probably regrets giving coal Santa Claus probably regrets giving coal to naughty children now that global warming is threatening his habitat."
"You know what's the difference between a housewife and a politician? The housewife thinks about doing her taxes while having sex. The politician thinks about having sex while spending your taxes."
"why does it take so long for a pirate to learn the alphabet? the could spend years at sea"
"Never trust anybody who has graph paper. They're always plotting something."
"I used to be a plastic surgeon Which raised a few eyebrows."
"Doctor: This patient needs exercise. Get him a walker. No that's a zombie I wanted a walk-oh I see what you did there, nurse [Everyone dies]"
"If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another how many dollars would you have? One dollar. You don't know your arithmetic. You don't know my father !"
"[i wake up confused] KIDNAPPER: youll never guess where we are! ME: [observing floor tile pattern] this is a Dennys bathroom KIDNAPPER: shit"
"What sound was made when a water truck collided with a vinegar truck? DOUCHE!!!"