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Joke of the Day

"So Jeffrey Dahmer goes to the doctor... After some tests, the doctor tells Jeffery that he's tested positive for Hepatitis. Jeffrey responds ""It must of been something I ate."""

"DATE: *takes a sip of her water* ME: haha ok wow can you tone down the pda you're behaving very erotically"

"Today in 1892, JRR Tolkien was born. He wrote about all the horrible things that will happen if you put a ring on it."

"I may not have as many Oscars as Leo anymore but... I've still got as many Tour De France wins as Lance Armstrong."

"Maybe being fat isn't bad, it just sounds awful because we say 'morbidly obese'. Let's switch it to 'cheerfully obese' and see what happens."

"Big sunglasses are an ugly girl's best friend."

"How many times did people question the honesty of Shakira's hips before she finally decided to defend them in a song?"

"Q: What do you do with a wombat? A: You play wom with it."

"After a concert Bono started clapping and then said ""Every time I clap, a child dies in Africa"" . . . Someone from the audience chimed ""Stop fucking clapping then"""

"Starbucks coffee is disgusting. First of all it tastes like soap, second of all u have to get it from dispensers in the BATHROOM????"