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Joke of the Day

"When her friend visits, my 2yr old just wants to hug her a lot... & keep her away from the toys. I feel that way about my friends & my vodka"

"September was the first calendar month no NFL players were arrested in six years. Kudos to their wives for being so well behaved last month."

"The Hydrogen + ion got into a fight with the Hydrogen Oxide - ion online The H + called the OH - too basic and the OH - called the H+ to acidic."

"Where does King Kong sleep? Anywhere he wants to."

"when a cop pulls me over i tell him i'm a nihilist and i don't believe in tickets or laws or authority. i do however now believe in tazers."

"Cartoons lied to me as a child. I was lead to believe quicksand was going to be a much larger problem in life."

"'You have an important event coming up? OwmeeGod, count me in!' -pimples."

"The light above my desk is going out. I feel like I've been at a really boring rave for the last 7 hours."

"Who was the most important Knight of the Round Table? Sir Cumference."

"What is a ghost pirate's favourite letter? Boo! T"