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Joke of the Day

"I don't like my doctor who was incredibly offensive today... ... All I asked her was how I was supposed to take the suppositories she prescribed."

"My Muslim friend. I have a friend who used to be a Muslim, now he's an atheist, I guess he was done with that Shiite."

"I'm off work next week so I'm gonna throw this knife at a map, where it lands I go. *throws knife, misses map.* Space, I'm going to space"

"I'm not saying the wife's a bit rough but you can see all the blokes on the beach dressing her with their eyes."

"My 9 year daughter asked me: ""Daddy can we buy money?"" ... Me: Buy money? Using what? Daughter: Aaa ... Apples? Me: That's called ""Selling Apples"" not buying money."

"Why did the Naval Inspector fail the submarine? Because he found it to be SUB-standard."

"Just remember that whatever you put up with, you end up with."

"If you have to pick up 9 cans on your desk before you find the one with beer in it, you........ you'd forget the fucking punch line too."

"I was sitting in traffic today and I got run over."

"You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg."