143829

Joke of the Day

"Blizzards are like sex it's really fun while it's happening but afterwards there's a lot of white stuff laying around that no one knows what to do with"

"A San Francisco man is running seven marathons in seven days on seven continents; he's expected to be seven times as annoying about it."

"I like to be frank and earnest with women. In Brooklyn, I'm Frank and in Chicago I'm Ernest."

"I've just been robbed by a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Though ironically, he wasn't wearing a mask so I don't know which one he was."

"If you feed me & have the heat on high, I will fall asleep on you. So to have a much more interesting date with me keep me hungry and cold"

"Obama:*sits down and whoopee cushion makes fart noise* what th- JOE Biden:*tears in his eyes, points at trump* HE WAS SUPPOSED TO SIT THERE"

"Modern fast food has a ""fuck you"" attitude that I relate to on a deeply personal level."

"What did a pirate say to fellow pirate? Are you seeding?"

"If you're looking for a relationship, become a roofer. You're bound to find hot shingles in your area"

"How do ghosts navigate the ocean? They use boo-eys."