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Joke of the Day

"What did the grocery store owner say to the customer that asked him if he sold tires? He shrugged and said, ""I've got asparagus."""

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"Some people live life in the fast lane. You're in oncoming traffic."
"I had a colonoscopy today... ...it was a pain in the ass! EDIT : Deleted original post that had ""coloscopy"" instead of ""colonoscopy"""
"My Wife always asks why I make science jokes. Y*_o_* ?"
"Happy Fourtho de Mayo."
"How do you make a whore moan? With peptides... Sicko.."
"Teacher : What's your favourite letter ? Student: The letter G. Teacher : Why is that Angus ?"
"I'm taking up cross-stitch so I can make handmade gifts for all the girls in my life Cause bitches get stitches. (though I won't have as many once this stupid joke gets out.)"
"*sees a couple of vacuum cleaners making out* ""Ugh, get a Roomba"""
"A Russian doctor is treating his patient. *""Take this for insomnia... take this for depression... and take this for anxiety.""* *""Thank you Doctor, but do you have any other medicine besides Vodka?""*"