143756

Joke of the Day

"BF: Will you marry me? GF: Do we have to live together? BF:"

"Regarding the molestation jokes. A lot you guys may not know this, but molestation... Is a very touchy subject. I'm sorry. Did that joke rub you the wrong way?"

"Can someone just tell me which guy Bridget Jones ends up with? I keep killing myself before the end of the movie."

"I went by the house I grew up in and asked if I could go in and look around. They said no and slammed the door. My parents can be so rude..."

"How to tell if someone is pedantic Say, ""Hey, you're being pretty pendantic."" If they respond with this, they're pedantic: ""No, I'm *pe*dantic, not *pen*dantic."""

"Why can't you fool an aborted baby? NSFW Because it wasn't born yesterday."

"Its best to put your phone on some rice when its wet Asian people will come at night and fix it"

"*Shakespeare resetting his password* ""Enter new password."" Fortnight ""Your password is two weeks."""

"What would happen if for one day nobody could make calls with their cellphone in the United States? Literally nothing, because nobody fucking ever answers their phone to begin with."

"What happens when a spoon and fork get into a fight? civilwar"