143742

Joke of the Day

"It's okay if you didn't notice that I switched my beard trimmer's setting from 6 to 5. The difference is stubble."

"I get a new phone every year just so my friends don't think I'm lying when I tell them I've lost their number Avoidance is expensive"

"I just watched a film about a couple who bought a haunted yoghurt. It's called Paranormal Activia."

"What did the disgruntled alien customer say to the store clerk? Take me to your leader!"

"Waiter: how were your steak and eggs Me: just okay Waiter: oh no Me: you could say they were Waiter: please no Me: *sips mimosa* meaty yoker"

"What's the difference between a kinder surprise and Michael jackson. One is a choking hazard for children and the other is a chocolate covered candy"

"Contrary to popular belief, the most common use for electrical tape is to cover up goth nipples."

"I'm guessing I'm not married because I'd take a bullet for a grilled cheese before I'd take one for a girl."

"What did the Russian people light their houses with before they started using candles? Electricity."

"Did you hear Burger King is promoting a black Whopper? McDonalds responded by introducing a 3/5ths pounder."