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Joke of the Day

"How many suh dudes does it take to fix a light bulb? It's already lit fam"

"Supermom! Me: MOM CAN YOU MAKE ME A SANDWICH??? *doesnt hear* *whispers to myself* ""deaf bitch"" Mom: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?"

"Do you brush your teeth without making a mess like in the commercials? Because I usually look like I have minty fresh rabies...."

"I can't believe I lost my candidacy for mayor of my hometown I kissed so many hands and shook so many babies."

"'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house not a creature was stirring... Not even a mouse stirred."

"Did you hear about the guy with the invisible penis? He came out of nowhere."

"Pretty rude of you to have a crush on someone else when I've done absolutely nothing to show I'm attracted to you."

"My grandmother laughed when I said I was gonna build a car out of spaghetti. She wasn't laughing when I drove pasta."

"HONEST JOE'S DISCOUNT BREAST IMPLANT EMPORIUM. WHY PAY $6,000 FOR SILICON WHEN YOU CAN PAY $20 FOR WOOD"

"What do they call an affair with a psychiatrist? A psychiatric tryst."