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Joke of the Day

"Darth Vader could never find love.... He was looking in Alderaan places."

"why do girls wear makeup and perfume? because they're ugly and they stink."

"So I took a practice test on photons today... It didn't matter."

"Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on you. Fool me three times shame on you. It's always going to be you. It's NEVER me."

"Starbucks bathrooms are EXCLUSIVELY for terrible diarrhea, right?"

"Telling your date that she reminds you of your ex is a bit like farting after a curry. It's risky and is probably not best done during a blowjob."

"Wait...you said JAZZ hands? Oh god. I totally misheard you. Please get me a towel."

"My friend said to me, ""If I wasn't mixing cocktails, I'd be a criminal."" ..... Either way, he's behind bars."

"""Jess is coming over"" ""Jess who indiscriminately murders people or-"" *Gets stabbed to death* ""Yes"""

"Why are there no coups in the US? It is the only country without a US embassy. (heard from a Brazilian friend)"