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Joke of the Day

"What's the definition of a tree? Something that stands still for forty years then suddenly jumps out in front of a woman driver."

"I had a girlfriend with a parakeet. We had to break up cause it would never shut up. But the bird was cool."

"*Australian accent* Notice the wife in her natural habitat shaming the male husband species into doing what she wants!"

"DC: Wonder Woman is too complex for a movie. Marvel: We just made $100m on a movie featuring a talking raccoon and a walking tree. In space."

"If you're in an indoor shooting range and it starts burning down, what do you yell to warn everyone ?"

"I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant but then I changed my mind"

"My friend is so stupid she thought Alabama is a city. Don't worry, I informed her Alabama is the president."

"What is the biggest crime committed by transvestites? Male fraud."

"What do you call someone who dyes their hair red? Trans-ginger"

"My way or the highway. It takes two to tango. What I'm saying is, ""welcome to idiom club"". Now, let's cut to the chase."