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Joke of the Day

"Starbucks bathrooms are EXCLUSIVELY for terrible diarrhea, right?"

"Juliet: you know it's true love, when you finish each other's- Romeo: LIFE Juliet: [sighs all annoyed] like why do you say shit like that?"

"I'm so proud of myself, it took me only six months to finish my latest jigsaw puzzle... ...the box said 2-4 years!"

"I don't like adulting... ...just kidding."

"Yay know, I'm no pedophile, but this childporn charge is some bullshit... Since when was it illegal search for euthanasia?"

"Astrology Fact of the Day (Aquarius) Aquarius, with an extra M becomes aquariums."

"*me loggin into twitter* I'll have to bypass their security system *types in password* bingo"

"Subway only exists because we're all too damn lazy to throw a sandwich together. ""Could you lay meat on that bread for me? Here's $8."""

"My whore sister wants to get a tramp stamp of a barcode. I guess so guys in the club can do a price check."

"You say ""tomato"", I say ""flamingo"". I also put goldfish in my armpits. My opinion should be ignored."