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Joke of the Day

"INTERVIEWER: It says here you can communicate telepathically? ME: IN: Is this an ability you have always had? ME: IN: Please say something."

"Why is Jesus so bad at hockey? Because he keeps getting nailed to the boards!"

"I had a headache so I took a pill that gave me chest pains, dry mouth, restless leg syndrome & explosive diarrhea. But hey, headache's gone."

"*watching a scary movie* 7 y/o daughter: They're just people in masks, right Dad? *blankets pulled over my head* ""Sure, if you say so"""

"What do you call a Whore that was shot by a sniper? 360 hoscope"

"An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion."

"A french pastry was stalking me this morning I felt really creped out"

"How do you know you are in a real lesbian bar? Not even the pool table has balls"

"Self-control (n.): Charlize Theron keeping a straight face on when the mirror tells her Kristen Stewart is prettier than she is."

"Someone told me that when there is a tornado, to hide in a location without windows. Such as a bathroom or basement. Replied that an Apple store would work as well."