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Joke of the Day

"A french pastry was stalking me this morning I felt really creped out"

"I deliberately mispronounce 'quinoa' and then adjust the server's tip according to how condescending they are when they correct me."

"People are like slinkys... ... they're no fun to look at but when you push em down the stairs you cant help but smile."

"Why do people leave mattresses on the side of the road? Do they really think someone will take it? Do you think I should wash it first?"

"Why did the condom cross the road? Because it was pissed off."

"Q: How do cats buy things? - A: From a cat-alogue!"

"When I lost my virginity, it was great....... When I finally saw a vagina in real life, it was like meeting a celebrity. I was like ""Oh my god! I've seen all your movies!"""

"What do princess diana and pink floyd have in common? Their last greatest hit was the wall."

"Why doesn't Spiderman like rice? It reminds him of Uncle Ben."

"Snoop Dogg repackaged himself as Snoop Lion, and then went on to become Snoop Carrot, The first rapper who is also a raw carrot"